Sorry Matt

It's just easier to do the list again...

Reasons I'm a happier person

*I got to see my mother. You know when you see someone and you just sigh that huge sigh...like your home and your safe and nothing else in the world matters at that moment...because you are with them. I love my mother.
*I got to spend a weekend at home...with things paid for. I love it when I go home and eat out 10 times and family pays for it all. Not that I am spoiled at all.
*I got to see almost everyone that I really cared anything about seeing...and even a few good that I didn't expect at Homecoming Friday night.
*I got to see Anna go through her Senior Homecoming. She has more inner and outer beauty than she will ever realize. She makes me proud to know her. I love you ANNER!
*I got PAID! Oh what a huge blessing to the bank account because I was about to go sell myself in downtown ATL. I hear the going rate on Jimmy Carter is more than the public school system.

Reasons I'm NOT so happy
*New Hope lost Friday night. A few really bad mistakes and some HORRIBLE calling. To the zebras...you deserved everything you got Friday night.
*Alabama lost...but at least it wasn't a blow out like expected.

Quote from the weekend.....
Heard from the stands of the New Hope High School Football game...directed at the sorry refs.

"Get out of here you jackass..."
"That's not a jackass...that's a zebra!"

Ready, Set...Go

Here's the rundown....

* It's 8:34 (Eastern Time) and I'm fighting to stay awake till 9.
* Working at the High School is going good...
* Kids today are NOT the same as when WE were teenagers....
* Two out of the three statements above make me sound like my mother.
* The Church at Mill Creek's future is amazing, exciting, and scary all at the same time.
* Getting paid once a month from the school board system STINKS...and therefore you cannot reach me on my cell phone until the end of this week. In fact...just plan to probably not reach me on the last week of the month for a while.
* Continuing that thought...don't expect me to eat out, pay bills or drive anywhere other than my house and work on that last week either.
* I miss my mother. Bad. Really bad.
* I'll confess that I resent my dad because he's the reason my mother will never come see me here in Georgia.
* On second thought...maybe it's because she won't drive outside of New Hope.
* I miss my friends.
* I kinda miss my life pre - 5:30 A.M. Wake up calls
* Darlene starts Chemo Thursday
* I get to see Darlene and the rest that is New Hope on Thursday
* It's the begining of fall time in NEW HOPE!! (They might even make it to the playoffs this year!)
* Alabama's kicker sucks
* I'm coming up with stuff to make my list seem longer and my life less boring.
* The mee-maw babies are CUTE!!! Recent picture on their blogs (see right) prove that.
* I want to believe what I know to be true about God. Try to figure that out.
* When you see a therapist and he has to diagram your life on his note pad...signs are...YOU'RE CRAZY!!
* God is faithful and good and at the end of the day...that's all that is important.

* The end!

I'm bout to lose my Jesus card...

real quickly if these strange calls from a 229 area code don't quit. I get them, like clock work at 2 a.m. every morning. It's really about to tick me off. Sorry...had to vent.

Other than that....I think we need to make some plans for HOCKEY DAY girls. I always say that I'm coming...and then punk out! Well...not this year. I need some babies, some mee-maws, some Hockey, a little J & R's and a LOT of Pennies in my life SOON!

Who's in?

I asked for a word.....

" I have a special concern for you church leaders. I know what it's like to be a leader, in on Christ's sufferings as well as the coming glory. Here is my concern: that you care for God's flock with all the diligence of a shepard. Not because you have to, but because you want to please God. Not calculating what you can get out of it, but acting spontaneously. Not bossily telling others what to do, but tenderly showing them the way. When God, who is the best shepard of all, comes out in the open with his rule, he'll see that you've done it right and commend you lavishly. And you who are younger must follow your leaders. But all of you, leaders and followers alike, are to be down to earth with each other, for - God has has it with the proud, But takes delight in just plain people. So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ--eternal and glorious they are! --will have you put together and on your feet for good. He get's the last word; yes, he does!"

1 Peter 5: 1-11 (The Message)

Now I know this is Peter writing to exiles scattered "to the four winds", but these words...especially in bold...give me comfort right now.

What does wholeness look like to you?

It's a Full Moon

So I never really believed the connection between the full moon and weird behavior until I started working around teenagers. But this week, I've seen it in the kids and maybe even a little in myself.

So I'm finally updating, I know I'm a sorry person. There's just so much in my heart and head right now that I really don't know where to begin or even if I should.

Darlene's surgery went great, and she is doing so well. I'm so excited for her that she made it through as wonderful as she did. She will start Chemo in a few weeks. Just keep her in your prayers through this time.

I now officially work for the Gwinnett County School System as a Para-Pro at Mill Creek High School (which is actually the high school our church plant meets at). I work in the Special Ed Department there. It all started after I subbed there for three weeks in the Severe Autistic class. I'm not actually in that class anymore (which makes me sad) but I'm still near it and in the area with the same people. It's been neat meeting new people and having a whole new group of friends.

Otherwise I'm just in a really weird place right now. I feel myself checking out of some things. It's amazing how caught up you get in the work that God wants to do and begins to do, and when the process gets painful and the change starts happening, you quickly revert back to your old self and take yourself out of the process. I'm not all the way out yet, but if I don't get coaxed back in soon, I may miss this chance.

I'll write more when I get all my thoughts together. There just not there now.

Tomorrow

My dear friend Darlene has her surgery tomorrow. If you think about it, please say a prayer for her. It's a scary thing, especially as a women, to have both of your breast removed.

Thanks!

Heather gets an A+ for coming to see me....

I love you friend!

The Dash

www.thedashmovie.com

I found out last weekend that my dear friend Darlene has breast cancer. Then I found out that she was having both breast removed, now we know that she needs chemotherapy.

I've done ok with all of this till today, when I saw this movie.

Just please pray. I don't have the promise that she'll be healed here on earth, but I do have the promise that she will be healed.

I'm not angry...i'm just angry

So we've been moving right along in this book that we are doing in our small group. We are starting to get into the "diseases" of the heart that he refers to. He list them as Guilt, Anger, Jealousy and Envy.

Buddy, when we got to the Anger part, I didn't realize just how much of an angry person I really am. I mean, not all the time, but when certain names from the past come up (birth mother) or just certain past situations, I can get fired up.

But he also says in the book, "When are you going to quit letting people who are not in your life, or maybe even dead, have control over your life." And that's true. There are so many good moments stolen from me, because I still hold on to some of these anger issues.

So...i'm going to put on my big girl pants, and deal with them once and for all. I"m going to get them into the light, so that they don't breed in the darkness!

I don't want to be an angry elf for the rest of my life!

Process

So I had this whole great idea for a post, but i'm too tired to write it all down, or do that much thinking, so i'll just update for the moment.

I'm back to subbing. Why you might ask? Because we are still all bi-vocational and that's the wonderful load I get to carry along with, secretary, nursery, preschool and Children's MINISTER!

But I'm really loving the class that I am in right now. I'm there for four weeks while the other para-pro is on medical leave. It's a class with 5 severe autistic kids. I say kids, but they range from 14-19, so they are actually pretty big.

Dante, Jacki, Mikey, Stanley and Chardane have my heart. I've actually not met Chardane yet, but it's coming soon. But Dante, Jacki, Mikey and Stanley are the best. They'll never be able to say anything to me verbally, but they speak volumes into my life.

I'll post pictures soon. I love every part of it, except getting up at 5:45 AM every morning. Yeah...that sucks bad!

Life is good though, and God is faithful. He's calling me into deep water with him right now, and I know I won't sink, but the call to swim comes with a great price. One that I'm not sure I am willing to embrace right now.

Wholeness...Oh Lord, why now? And what's the cost going to be...I'm sure the end is worth it, but I just need that push into the water. And a life-jacket wouldn't hurt!!!

I'm with Ashley

Sometimes a song just puts it so much better than you can. Rest...doesn't necessarily mean that I need to slow down, but more of an attitude that I need to embrace.

Taste the presence of God in this place
And know that He is here
Taste the presence of God in this place
And know that it is real

Hold His hand, let His warmth
Drown out this world so cold
Hear His voice whispering
Never let it grow old

Rest in His arms, feel the breeze
Flowing gently through our hair
See his smile, know He's pleased
When our praises feel the air
Oh my Lord
Oh my God

Taste the presence of God in this place
Taste the presence of God in this place
Taste the presence of God, the presence of God

My 100th post

I wanted it to be special..and it is...this is my friend Karla's new little baby! He was having a good dream. I love Philip Andrew Dickey!
And my brother. See the family line?? I kinda can...maybe it will be different when we meet each other!

You're coming on this journey with me...

Why? Cause I have nothing better to post about, and sometimes I just like to post...so buckle up...it might get a little bumpy the next few weeks!

We started the book tonight. Jason talked about how many times we check our behavior instead of our hearts...and that's so true. Someone will ask me...how are you doing...well I quit smoking, quit drinking, haven't said to many bad words this week, have killed anyone...I must be doing pretty well. When the truth is, I have bigger walls up around my heart than the great wall of China, and I'm slow to want those to go down. I like my walls, they protect me. Instead I should be looking to God to protect my heart.

He also talked about how experiences from the past are the ones that put up those walls...big and small...good and bad...and that's the layers that we have to allow God to peel back. They didn't get there overnight and they're probably not going to go away that quickly either.

So it was a pretty good start. A few of the others mentioned that they are a little scared of this process as well, so I feel a little more comforted by the whole thing. Maybe this can be my counseling and i'll save a few hundred bucks that I don't have anyway!!

I'm just thankful that the Lord is so faithful in my life. Faithful to bring things to the surface that I need to walk through, faithful to have brought me friends that no matter where we go or what we do...we love each other unconditionally, faithful to bring friends in my life for such a time as this...friends who "get me" at that moment, faithful to see me though the changes of life and what they may hold. He's faithful and good.

Going to see Talladega nights tomorrow...wahoo...don't usually get excited about movies, but i'm dang excited about this one.

So i'm not a wife or mother

But does it just seem sometimes like you do the same thing day after day. Everyday there seems to be clothes that need washing, a house that needs to be clean, if I want to eat something other than McDonalds or something nasty like that, then I have to cook, which means I have to clean.

I have a great job, amazing friends, but sometimes I just start the day thinking...am I really going to do anything different today than yesterday.

We are starting a new book in our small group...excuse me...life group this week. It's called "It came from within", by Andy Stanley.

Here's what the back of it says...

"You can't run from what lurks within! More frightening than Frankenstein. More destrcutive than alien invaders. They will numb your soul, steal your life, and threathen your most treasured relationships. Who are these creatures? Where do they come from? At the fall of mankind they were unleased on the world, wreaking havoc and sending thousands fleeing from their homes. And their lair is found in the last place anyone wants to look - the mysterious depths of their own hearts! But be encouraged, these monsters have a weakness. They can be defeated. You can escape their clutches and be free of their influence. Learn the truth - before it's too late."

Sounds fun huh? Not really. I mean i'm excited we are doing it, and excited that our life group is so amazing here, but really ... Do I want to discuss matters of the heart, especially my heart, with a group of people. Um...no.

But, can't exactly not do it either.

So it's been how many months since JDay!! Oh well!

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Things I'm thankful for....

1. That Heather loves me!
2. That I'll always have friends that care about my life...and vise versa!
3. That MBS and her husband are great people and came to see me. You win for the most trips to see me so far!
4. That Ashley is in children's ministry and understands the burden and love that this job is!!
5. That even though our mee-maw roles change, get re-defined, get added on too, or dissolve, one thing remains...we're friends.
6. That despite how unworthy I am, God still continues to work in my life in amazing, incredible ways.

The End!

More updates

So...my dad actually had a heart attack. He's been in the hospital since Sunday morning. They thought that he may have just choked, but the test that they ran on Sunday and all day Monday showed that he did have a heart attack.

He's ok. Just trying to get him to calm down some. He still has pneumonia on top of all of this from inhaling stuff into his lungs as he was having the heart attack.

But he's doing good. The man has 9 lives I swear.

I'll keep you updated!

Update

Here's a really quick update on a lot of stuff.

1. Talked to my brother on Thursday night. He's 30, lives in Georgia and has had a heck of a life. Meaning, when he was 16 he went rebellious and has lived a pretty hard life since. But, he's straightened up since then and seems to be on a better track. He asked a lot of questions, I gave some real honest answers. Lots of emotions being brought up that I don't really want to deal with, but the fact that I get to meet my brother out of all of this makes it worth it.

2. Dad almost died yesterday. I left the New Hope around 6:30 yesterday morning headed back to ATL and by the time I got here, I got a phone call saying that daddy was in the hospital. At the nursing home that morning he got choked on his breakfast and was without air for some time. When they finally got it dislodged he inhaled some of it into his lungs and now pneumonia has set in. He's still in the hospital but seems to be doing ok...a little shaken up by the whole thing. But he's ok. He should be going back to the nursing home sometime today or tomorrow.

So that's it...my life...one big Oprah moment after another!

Awww

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