Review Mirror

We were here a year ago. It's a hard place to look back. I want to say that where I am today makes up for all the pain of that point in time but the truth is...it doesn't really. At all. Sure, I am thankful for where we are now. I am thankful for the life that is continuing to grow inside of me. Longer than any other life has grown inside of me. I am thankful for the little heart that is beating, lungs that are breathing, brain that is thinking, blood that is flowing inside of me right now. But that place of a year ago STILL HURTS. It hurts when I think of November and what could have been with that little life. It hurts when I see other people go through something like this and those feelings of anger and hurt come rushing back to me. It hurts to recall those memories of waking up and knowing that it was over. It hurts.

My faith has been made stronger (starting to sound a little like Kelly Clarkson I guess) through that time. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that the Lord chooses to restore and heal both broken bodies and hearts. I am thankful that the Lord is faithful and have learned that faithfulness is not dependant on your plans going the right way.

I am glad that this season of life is in our review mirror and at times I think that I have driven it completely out of sight. But somehow I know it will always be with me and a part of me is ok with that. It keeps the memory fresh of dependence on Christ and the need for mercy and strength each and every day whether or not we realize it.

I am excited about what's ahead in our future. I can't wait to hold Kennedy. To snuggle with her, to sing to her (though she might can wait for that), to stay up late at night watching her breathe, to pray over her, to dream big dreams for her.

Today I am thankful for what is behind and what lies ahead and for the grace and strength to go through it all.