There will always be a Judson

This is my second year in a row that I am not attending J Day. At first it was because of my friend Aundrea's shower. Aundrea is probably my closest friend here in Georgia. We lived together for 2 years. Her brother is the one that brought me here in the first place. This was the only weekend that we could do the shower and she is one of the non-negotiable people in my life.

Even if there were no shower, I still don't think that I could go this year. Not now.

See Judson brings out emotions in you that you sometimes forget that you have. I can go for months without becoming emotional about anything, think about "If the old walls" and I am weeping like a baby. Judson was a place that I felt safe for four years. Now granted we were not in the safest town ever. The local gas station was called the Stop n Stab for Pete's sake. But emotionally I felt safe. Even when our world was crushed or our foundation shaken, we were still somehow safe.

Safe with each other. Safe to share fears and doubts. Safe to ask those tough questions that I am asking right now in my life. Safe to cry. Safe to yell. Safe to smoke and talk about God all at the same time.

We were safe with our professors. Safe to explore what we really and truly believed about our faith. Challenged to throw away all that had been ingrained within us and find our faith and call it our own. Safe to walk across the street to their house when you needed to cry or call them when there was an arrest for your warrant (sorry about that one Dr. Tew. I finally paid that ticket!)

We were safe with our president who knew our name the moment that we came onto campus and who cheered us on as we crossed the stage with diploma in hand.

We were safe knowing that there were a multitude of women who had gone before us and a multitude that would come after us and share the same memories and paths.

Today I don't feel that safe. I feel shattered. I feel vulnerable. I feel let down.

But somehow today as I have been singing those songs in my head I feel safe knowing that there will always be a Judson. Though I may not be there today, Judson means as much to me as Judson means to you.