Out of Control

That's exactly what my life feels like right now. I never knew all of the emotions that I could feel at once...but here's just a few.

Frustrated - At myself for the mess I've made lately with relationships and my life.

Thankful - When I stop to think of all the amazing people who love me in spite of myself. I started just running down a list the other day of friends that would do anything for me and care about me...and the list was overwhelming...i'm blessed.

Envious - Of those at my age that seem to have it all together.

Regret - Of the past that can not change.

Sorrow - It feels weird to be a daughter without a dad.

Tormented - By the images, sounds and smell of death.

Hope - That someday, if I'm blessed with a husband and children, that I'll have the chance to correct some wrongs and be all that my children may need from a mom and be a wife that is my husbands strongest supporter.

Determination - To never allow myself to be like "her" in any way.

Anger - At what I've let others do to me in my past, anger at what they've stolen from me (more than possessions) and anger that I continue to let them steal and rob me of joy and sound mind.

Blessed - To be around such Godly, wonderful, patient, incredible, people who would walk through hell with me.

Overwhelmed - At the Sovereignty of God. It's overwhelming to think on the fact that My God is a God that never changes, and that remains faithful. It's taken me falling on my face the past few days and weeks to come to the understanding that I am nothing without him and that apart from Him I CAN DO NOTHING. It is He that gives me my next breath, and it is only by his amazing power, strength and grace that I can stand.

I truly stand amazed in the presence of Jesus, and wonder how he could love me, a sinner...but how marvelous, how wonderful is His glory. Lord work in our lives in such an astounding way that only YOU can be given the credit for what incredible things happen.

I'm in process right now of trying to regain perspective on life, ministry and relationships. I'll let you know if I get any!!!