Really???

I'm sitting here at 3:46 (EST) acting like I don't have anywhere to go or be in 45 minutes and it takes 30 to get there, and I just got out of the shower. Yeah I'm a loser. My friends do say that I have my own time...Criddy Time that is. I'll get there when I get there.

If this week doesn't produce results or answers I might simply go and blow my self up, or at least pay Jack Bauer to do it for me.

Sunday I leave to go to camp in the middle of the mountains, away from e-mail, mail and phone service, so knowing something this week would be incredible.

Oh well...guess I'm suppose to be learning some kind of lesson. I hope I didn't forget and prayed for patience somewhere along the way.

I'm still on a mission

To be Mrs.Taylor Hicks and Jordan was precious.

What's love got to do with it??

So for most of my 26 years I've been trying to wrap my mind around what the word LOVE means! I mean I attach it all the time to things that I really don't love. I love hot dogs?? Come on. I love Wal-Mart?? And I do..like me some wally-world. I love 4Him, Alabama football (though it is a passion)!! I could come up with a long list of things that I LOVE!

But what does it mean to LOVE...to love unconditionally. To love because it's what Jesus said I should do to my neighbor, and it's in return of what I've been shown by others.

So how do I love others? Well usually...I wear out my welcome at places because I'm needy, or I distance myself from friends that it's to hard to be friends with, or I completely turn my back on long standing, trusted friends...because something new and better has come along, or I never give back to a family that has so sacrifically loved on me since the day that they chose me, or I treat those I can in anger because I know that they will love me back, or....etc. etc. etc.

But this week I've learned a lesson that can only come through a child. I've been around these 1st and 2nd graders for just a week, and already they love me. Now I don't say that as a prideful statement and here's why...I say that because it's amazing to me that they don't know me, yet they love me. They don't know my faults, and even if they did, they're 1st graders...they wouldn't care. They just love me because I'm Miss Christy and that's what they want to do. I'm the one with the band-aid and the silly voice when they fall of the swing set. I'm the female that wraps my arms around them, when they live with grand ma or dad because mom is a dead beat...or worse case...dead. I'm just Miss Christy and that's all that they need...just someone to love and someone to love them back.

So how should I love? With unselfishness...not because I need to buy your friendship, but because I love you enough to do whatever I can to help you in your time of need. With reckless abandon because sometimes we just need someone to go over the top for us. With compasssion because sometimes we need someone to just be there and be a silent witness to what we are going through. With all that I have, no matter what you've done or what I've done, because God can still use all of us no matter what our backgrounds.

Maybe this will only make sense to me...but at least it's out of my head for the night.

Random Thoughts on a Saturday morning...

So since I have no real update on life right now...I just thought I would post some random thoughts.

I get up so early during the week that it's hard for me to sleep in like I use to. I had to FORCE myself to sleep till 9:30 this morning. I use to be able to sleep till 11 or even noon with no problem.

So since I was up I decided to see what was on TV and good ol' USA was playing The Breakfast Club. Now there's nothing I love better than watching a good classic like Breafast Club, but it's even better on cable TV because you can hear the voice overs. Molly Ringwald is not a BRAT in the original...

Other than still being in waiting mode...life is good. I'm really just learning to take time and enjoy the amazing friendships around me. Trying to just have a great time every time we get together.

Hopefully by the end of next week I should have a BIGGER update. Keep your fingers crossed!!

I'm horrible...

at waiting!

* Waiting on MAT scores
* Waiting on acceptance to Piedmont
* Waiting on answers to tough questions that I don't want to be asking in the first place.
* Waiting on what I think the next step in life should be...

I've never been good at waiting, but looks like I have no other choice right now.

Out with the old....

In with a NEW CAR!! Well new to me. IT's a 2005 Honda Civic. He's so pretty. That's right it's a he. I've decided that since he's blue...this car will be a HE. His name is Vince and he's already promised to my friend Courtney's car...Yolanda the Honda.

I did tear up though when Old Red was driven away. I've had that car since 2000, the begining of my second semester at Judson. I've cried in that car, prayed in that car, laughed my butt off in that car...and well...some other things I can't put on here. But she's in a better place now.

The MAT went ok. There were a few that I knew right off the bat, a few that I made a pretty good educated guess on...and a whole bunch that I randomly guessed at.

So now we are just waiting to....

1. Find another job to help pay for Vince
2. Wait to hear from Piedmont. All the application stuff is sent in, so it's in their hands.
3. Wait to hear from the MAT


I've really, really slacked with the running and eating well. My good ol' accountability partner is not at fault either...he's yelled at me quite frequently. But I just lost the want to. Maybe Monday after the family reunion i'll get back on track. But until then...Aunt Jettie is cooking me breakfast tomorrow and the famliy reunion is Sunday. Wahoo!!

Update and a thought...

So here's the update on my goals for this year...

1. I've registered for the MAT on May 1st at 4:30 p.m. I've been studying and i'm going to start taking practice test online this week.

2. All of my after school job opps have fallen through...so saving money is at the least of the priority list right now...but I'm searching for additional jobs now.

3. I've lost a few more pounds but JDAY weekend put me behind on that...still worth it though!

4. See #2 for answer to saving for an emergency fund!

5. I'm up to running my subdivison which is around a mile, and then I'm doing some at the park. Not going as great as I would like it too...but it's getting there slowly.

6. One of the conditions for grad school was that you have a 2.5 GPA from college. I had a 2.518! Once again I have gotten by with the skin of my teeth. All of my application process is done except reference letters being sent in and transcripts and then my score on the MAT. I'm nervous, but think I'll be ok.

7. Can't get a 4.0 without being accepted.

8. Still no TAT...come on friends!

9. Keeping a pretty positive attitude on all of it. It's all still very doable and I'm excited about being able to check off each thing on my list.

Other than that...I'm just waiting. I find myself in a place of expectancy and waiting as to what God has next for me. There are a few things in my life right now that I wish would just fall into place. A few pieces to the puzzle that I wish would start being put together. But I'm learning that my strength arises as I wait upon the Lord, and that His ways and thoughts are much higher than mine. I'm learning to expect and hope for great things, and not be shocked when they happen. To trust in a Good and Faithful Lord.

Judson or BUST

So I'm home right now, trying to motivate myself to go finish packing and finish getting ready. I'm excited about coming to Judson, just still as lazy as I ever was.

I found this article the other day though and thought I would share it. I love the part where he says that he can't worship a Jesus that he could beat up.

Anyway...I'm on the way soon. Can't wait to see you girls!??

Interview with Mark Driscoll:

-What trends in church and worship styles do you see? Are they positive or negative?

-Driscoll: "I'll be happy when we have more than just prom songs to Jesus sung by some effeminate guy on an acoustic guitar offered as mainstream worship music."

-What do you see as the greatest challenge for young Christians in the next 10 years?

-Driscoll: "There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types want to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a pride fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up. I fear some are becoming more cultural than Christian, and without a big Jesus who has authority and hates sin as revealed in the Bible, we will have less and less Christians, and more and more confused, spiritually self-righteous blogger critics of Christianity."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUSAN!!!

It's all a mistake...

I really think that Judson meant to be Eastern Orthodox instead of Baptist.
See if you can find the similarities....

I went to Pascha the other night, which is the Eastern Orthodox service that brings in Easter if you will.

* It started off at 11 p.m.
* It started off in a dark room
* We lit a candle and went outside
* The priest banged on the door of the church for us to be let in
* Lots of chanting

Ring any bells friends??

It was a great experience though I was totally lost for much of the service and the people in front of me were not helping me out by falling asleep. At 2 in the morning, I get really delirious and giggly.

4 more days friends, 4 more days!!

Wow.....

http://www.brookhills.org/media/pages_videos/page_video_easter0702.htm

Happy Birthday THUMBELINA

OR BETH!! Hope you have a great one!!

New Year's resolutions...

Ok..so it's April 2nd. But in a way, since the end of the last 21 days, I feel the need to make some new "goals" for my life. A check list if you will of things that I want to accomplish this year. Putting them out in the open, keeps me a little more accountable I guess.

1. Score a 55 on the MAT
2. Save enough money to buy a LAPtop
3. Lose 30 more LBS
4. Save up at least 500.00 for an "emergency" fund...Dave gives us poor people a break by saying we only have to have 500.00
5. Run a 10k....(until you read my blog, you'll never know that I'm signing up to do this...we'll see how often you actually check this thing friend)...(also note that I have till the end of the year to complete this...don't be signing us up for one next week!!) (and quit talking to God about crazy things you think I need to do...)
6. Be accepted into Grad school (conditionally or unconditionally, I don't care..just get me in.)
7. Complete my first semester of grad school with a 4.0
8. GET A FREAKING TATTOO...MY FRIENDS NEED TO GET ON THE BALL AND HELP ME WITH THIS ONE...HINT HINT...ROOMIE AND ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER!
9. Keep a POSITIVE attitude that ALL of this is OBTAINABLE AND POSSIBLE.

So there it is...let the ride begin!

It's been awesome...

That's the running joke around my life for the last 21 days. You see I signed up with a few of my friends to eat only vegtables and fruits and whole grains for 21 days. On days when the food was absolutely at it's worst, we tried to convince ourselves that it was awesome. You can only say that so many times and still not believe it. I lost 15 pounds though and gained some much needed wisdom and strength during this time. I've learned about myself, both good and bad. I've trusted people more than ever before...and if they're reading this they need to know how much of a compliment that is to them. I've also come away with more questions than answers...but that's my life it seems. I had never attempted anything like this...so today...on day 22....accomplishment is a great word. We never cheated, never intentionally anyway, and the accountability was in your face for 8 hours a day. (That's what happens when you work with the people).

One thing that I have decided to do, with much counsel from my pastor, friends, and other people at my school, is to begin work on my master's degree in the fall at Piedmont College, in Special Education. Now, if you know me, you know what a horrible student I am, and what a horrible test taker I am. So to say that I am nervous about the whole admissions process, is a HUGE understatement. HUGE. Dr.H and Dr.Tew are both filling out my recommendations. I've asked the VP of a Baptist College and a Preacher to lie and say that I was a good student =). Dr.H's response was..."um hum...I can say a lot of nice things and not have to lie." What true Dr.H form huh?

So that's about it. I think i've experienced every emotion possible during the last 21 days. From major, major breakdown/meltdown/ moments, anger, frustration, peace, extreme sadness and grief, to joy...It's been awesome!!!

Highway 5...take me home...to the place...I belong

Through Alabama...to my mama...take me home...Highway 5.

I hope that as Jennifer and Susan read that today that they almost pee in their pants from recalling the ever famous late night info-mercial e-mail with great songs from our time at Judson. There are a LOT more where that came from!

BUT..instead of Highway 5...it's going to be interstate 20..followed by the most red lights you've ever seen in a row...followed by the longest stretch of highway 431 that you've ever seen...and then one turn past the big tree and the one stop light and i'll finally be back in New Hope for the first time since Christmas.

I will have to say though, that as this week and especially last night, as I was thinking about going home, it hit me that there a hard reality that awaits for me now every time I go home. It's like I've been able to hide from it almost here in Georgia. I mean sure, it's always there, some how just on the tip of my thoughts, but going home is a cold hard reminder of what's happened in my life the past few months and how that is never going to change. I know that there are people that have it so much worse that I do...I mean I look at my friend from college that is truly now an orphan. Sure she's an adult, but even adults need their parents still. It's more of knowing that what never really was, now has no potential to ever be...and even what little bit I had is gone. Some times the dull ache of just being a daughter without a dad hits me, and in weeks like this...where i'm homesick and emotional to begin with, it consumes me.

I grew up thinking that my mom never really liked my dad. I mean she might have loved him somehow, but never really liked him. They would fight, cuss, throw things, yell...but the day that we walked away for the last time from him, she wasn't leaving behind some man that she had exsisted with for the last 30 something years, she was leaving behind her valentine, her soul mate, her husband. She left behind the man that she met, because 30 something years ago she was stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire, and he stopped to fix it and asked what time supper was!!

So I'm going home, to whatever faces me...but to see my mom, see my friends, and just be home for a while!

So when are you going to get a real job and become a teacher...

That's what I've heard almost all of my life, and especially in the past few years of being in ministry. Well...it might be coming true...at least for a little while. Today I'm going to turn in my application at a few Private Christian Schools in the area. I don't want to go through the mess of having to become a "real" teacher, so I'm going to try and go this route for a little while. I'll still be the children's person for Mill Creek, I'll just be making a decent income while I'm at it. So if you read this, say a little prayer today.

Things i'm thankful for...

No particular order...but Number 1...IS MY NUMBER 1.

1. THE PINK SHORTS HAVE BEEN FOUND. CALL OF THE SEARCH...AND THE MEMORIAL SERVICE PLANS...
2. That J-day is in approx 61 days and counting.
3. That my mother says that I am her Valentine.
4. That my hair is finally thinned out.
5. That I have thick hair to thin out.
6. That our church has a new place to meet and that starting tomorrow there's another chapter in the life of Mill Creek beginning.


There's more i'm sure..but i'm tired and ready to get this mud mask thing off my face and go to bed.

In case you haven't heard...

For the Judson Girls...if you haven't heard my story of my run in at a local deli here in Georgia..you should...but you should hear it over the phone or better yet in person. It's way to good for a blog.

In other news, my mother says she's coming to Georgia for a visit. Honestly...this scares the living crap out of me. I mean it was one thing when she would come to Judson to visit...not that that ever happened between moving days, but somehow this is different. What if my life now doesn't meet her approval? What if in Kay Davis fashion she says something that totally comes off as offensive to someone? What..my mother...never! Still, I'm excited that she's coming. I really want her to be ok with me being here, and want her to love it as much as I do.

In much sadder news, I think I might have lost the original pink shorts. I'm sure they're just hidden under a bed somewhere or a drawer or something. Lord Baby Jesus..please send them back to me.

Someone needs to come see me soon. I miss you people like a fat kid misses cake.

If these old walls...

I miss those old walls tonight so much. I want someone with me right now that knows exactly what i'm thinking, exactly what I'm needing, and what to do about it.

I miss running to Jennifer's room to all hang out around the "unsanctioned" children at play table and sitting in lawn chairs. I miss having someone around me that had nothing else to do either...or maybe we had lots we needed to do, but knew that college was about so much more than just an education. I miss the roof and all of the amazing conversations that it led to...no matter what your purpose of going out on the roof was. I miss pennies. I even miss studying around the round table in the lobby! I miss asking everyone and anyone if they had heard that Dave Thomas had died!

I just miss it!

Here's what I've learned since I haven't paid my cell phone bill...

1. You really can live without one. I mean, sure, it's harder for people to keep in touch with you, and to some point it's kind of become a way of life, but you really can survive without it. It's amazing that the huge thing that Zack Morris use to carry around has now become a necessity to life.

2. You won't believe how much rest I've gotten since I haven't had to worry about talking after my phone turns free at 9 p.m.... I needed that rest too since I've been sick as a dog this week. I mean really...how much snot can one person produce.

3. That even though this little vacation from technology has been nice, I'll pay my bill on Wednesday and you should all be able to call me if you chose so. But for now, if you need me, e-mail me and I'll send you my house number.

I'm sick and ready to be over it. There's really only so much Tylenol Sinus you can take before you go insane. Sleep never comes at night either. How come I can take naps and not cough at all, but lay down to go to sleep, and I almost kill myself trying to cough it all up? geez.

I've been praying through a lot of things lately concerning my future. Our church has been through quite a few changes the past few months, and it's really been a test to see who can survive the "church planting process." We were told a lot of what is happening would happen, maybe I was just to naive to believe it, or really didn't believe that I would even still be here at this point. But even with all that's happened, this is where I feel I'm suppose to be. SO...to continue to work at the church for free, I have to find other employment after this school year. I can't continue to work special ed and expect to be sane. It's not a job that you go to and leave. And that's the kind of job that I need. But I'm so grateful for being where I've been. Some of the most amazing relationships I have in Georgia have come from this experience.

God has been teaching me so much lately. I've always had a problem with letting guilt and shame get in my way. It's just always been a foothold that I've let Satan have in my life. But God has been teaching me that "I can approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that I may receive mercy and find grace..." For so long I've asked others to do this for me, or I've sinned and thought at the end of the day..there's no way that I can talk to God today. But I have to remember that I'm a sinner, that's not really going to change. How often, and which sins I chose to run back to can change...but until I'm made perfect in Him, that's my reality. So I can spend weeks at a time, in shame and guilt, over the smallest or biggest things, OR I can chose to BOLDLY go to the throne and ask for the gifts that He has to give me. Not gifts that I deserve...but gifts that He CHOSE to lavish on me because He LOVED ME. Choosing to accept God's LOVE is probably my number one challenge in life. But I'm getting there...slowly but surely.

So that's the update. I've got a few more things I've learned but there's only so much sense you can make drugged up!!