Open or Closed

I knew there would be a lot of decisions that we would have to make in the process of adoption. Race? We don't care. Gender? Doesn't matter to us. International or Domestic? We've chosen domestic. All these choices have been made and honestly have come quite easily.

The hardest decision ever has been deciding whether or not to do open, semi-open or closed adoption. I try to pull from my own experience through some of these decisions but for this one, my experience is kinda jaded. I knew my birth mother and it wasn't a very pleasant experience. She's not really a nice person (ask Sara Beth) and I don't really like her to be honest with you. I have never met my birth dad but I am really ok with that too. Sure there are moments where I would love to see what he looks like now. Moments where I wonder where he has been all this time. What is his story? How much of his genes have played into my story? Ask how many other children he has donated sperm to but never acknowledged or wanted.

But now here's the decision staring me in the face. What if my baby has birth parents who are actually kind and good but just young and not ready to give this baby a life? What if my baby is in the tummy of a woman who is so desperate to keep her baby and love it like she has the other 5 that she has birthed but knows that she has no money or resources to do so? What if my child will have good people for parents? Can I watch my child bond with the woman that carried them and be ok with it? Can I really keep up with all the communication that is required with an open adoption? Can I really put my heart out there like that? Do I really want the birth parents to know everything about me?

But then again there is the side of closed adoption. When my baby lies awake at night with those doubts and questions, do I really have the right to choose a close adoption and not have those answers for my baby? Can I really keep them from their heritage just to keep my heart protected? It would be so much easier but God has obviously not chosen us for an easier path.

Semi-Open means that all communication will be through the agency. All pictures, all phone calls, all meetings, all letters, everything would be through the agency. It seems like a good choice but she might not be open to it.

Whatever the path, I pray that we make the right choice. The choice that will allow our baby to grow to be a healthy person both emotionally and physically. The choice that will put the pieces together for our child.

The First Wave

My hope is that this blog can become a resource for other people hoping to adopt. I am going to try my best to keep it updated with the paper work as we submit it so that you know what our process looked like.

10-21-11 - Submitted Initial homestudy application
HIPA forms agreeing to criminal background checks


This first application was pretty easy and just asked generic questions. It was about 11 pages altogether.

The next wave is the HUGE wave. There we will submit all forms such as driver's licence, health insurance, car insurance, marriage certificates, pages regarding sleep positions to reduce the risk of SIDS, our 911 log, our septic tank check, our finicial statement, salary verification sheets from our employers, personal profiles (10 pages each, over 100 something detailed questions), medical forms, FBI background checks, Rabies vaccinations for both pets, 4 personal reference letters, and even an agreement to copy all documents twice. Whew!

The good news is we are almost finished with it should be ready to send it in within the next few days. From there we will begin the four interview stage followed by our written report.

Things are actually moving along great and we could not be more excited.

Until next time...

Reactions

The reactions I love the most to the news that we are adopting are the ones that are just as excited for us had we told them we were pregnant.

We told Brandon's cousin Erin the other night and she ran to the press box during the middle of half time and told her husband who is a high school football coach. She interrupted his game to tell him. He was just as excited and wanted to know when we were going to pick the baby up. She had to explain to him that it was a long process and that we were just getting started. He couldn't understand why we just couldn't go pick the baby up.

The other sweet reaction has been Brandon's grandmother Mama Ruth. When we told her that we needed the rocky horse that Brandon's grandfather made for him years ago because we were adopting a baby she welled up with pride and became so excited for us.

We are so excited about this process and love seeing people who are willing to celebrate with us as well.

9 months

When a person gets pregnant they are usually pregnant for at least 9 months. I think I have even heard somewhere that it averages out to 10 months by the time it is all said and done.

Going into this process we thought it would be a long, drawn out ordeal because of stories we have heard.

Well apparently all you have to do is tell an agency that you don't mind what race your baby is and birth mamas and agencies start coming after YOU!

Although adoption can be a wonderful thing; in some ways it has a way of making you jaded towards the world. I am not sure where some companies can justify a 20,000 dollar difference between a white child and a black child. 20,000 dollars. 20,000. I am not sure when adoption stops being adoption and starts being child trafficking.

To update you on our status, here's where we are:

We are have officially submitted the first part of our home study process. It's the initial application which is just a few pages of information and a few signed forms.

Next comes BIG DADDY! It's the 25 page application process that we BOTH have to fill out as individuals. Right now it is being stored in a 3" binder that I am lovingly referring to as my "adoption bible" or "BIG DADDY" cause this thing is HUGE! This is just the home study folks. We haven't even contracted with an agency yet.

We have already started gathering the 847,000 documents required for the home study including our 911 calls for every address we have ever lived in and our septic tank check. Yeah...you have to have both of those to be official. Once our applications are approved we will begin the interview process which includes 4 interviews. We will both do one individually, one together, and then one at our house where they will check it over. Before this happens we hope to have all the new floors laid down and the nursery at least started.

So far I can equate the adoption process to being butt naked in a see through box in the middle of the street where you can't see out but they can see in. Your entire life and all of your feelings, hopes, dreams, failures, flaws and imperfections are constantly being put on display for everyone to see.

I have also found the process to be healing. Adoption is something that forces you to get on your knees before God and depend on him like you never have before. It is a process that brings your and your spouse together because at times only you understanding what you are doing and why you are doing it. You feel alone but together if that makes any sense. It's a process that has made me deal with some inner demons that I have always felt towards my birth parents. I pray that at the end of this process I can look back and see the tremendous growth that I am sure I will experience.

It all seems a little surreal to me but I am ready for the ride.

Till next time...

3 Choice Kinda Girl

I am a three choice kinda girl. Dinner? Give me three choices and I'll decide. Clothes? Give me a few choices and I'll pick something. Friday Night Date? Brandon knows to just give me three options and I'll pick one.

I really wish someone would just narrow down all the choices when it comes to picking who is eventually going to match me up with my child.

There are so many agencies and so many choices that my head is spinning. We have given ourselves until November 1st. We will make our final decision then.

And so it begins...

A disclaimer.

***This blog will probably very obviously become only about our adoption process. Yes there will probably be the occasional education rant, random update of our life, pictures of events and friends, but right now our life is becoming consumed with the adoption process. At this point you have two options. 1. Keep reading. 2. Or don't. For years I have read about your cute little children and all their milestones so give this aching heart of mine a break and allow me to be in the "expectant" stages of recieving my child.***

So the paper trail begins and what a trail it is. Because we are more than likely going with an adoption agency that will be in the state of Virginia we will not only have to go through their paper process but also the agency here in Georgia that will be completing our home study. We have however found a great agency that does a independent home study for pretty cheap (I use that word very loosely.) Our first mount of paper work is coming in the mail this week and this is just the preliminary stuff from both agencies. I am excited to fill all of it out but scared at the same time that at some point someone will read our paper work and tell us there is no way they are going to place a baby with us.

Once the preliminary stuff is sent in and we are accepted into the different agencies we will then go through the home study process which will take a few months to complete.

Ai yi yi! This is going to be a roller coaster ride for sure but we are excited to strap in and take off.

Immeasurably More

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I have always loved Ephesians 14-19, especially the part about being rooted and established in love. Oh how I long to be able to truly grasp just how wide and long, how high and deep the love of Christ is for me. As I kept reading this time, I found the diamond in the rough so to speak. The verse that I believe will carry us through this adoption process. The promise that Christ is ABLE to do IMMEASURABLY more than all that I can ever ask or imagine. So many times I only want what I think is best for my life and for my marriage and family. But what I want is so fickle and small compared to what Christ wants for my life and my family.

As we go through this adoption process Brandon and I are already starting to dream of what this process is going to look like and how it is going to unfold. Truth of the matter is...it probably won't look a thing like what we are expecting. It probably won't turn out just like we have planned it...but that's ok. Because I know in my heart that Christ is able to do IMMEASURABLY more than I can ever ask or imagine. I have to give myself over to the fact that in the end the timing will be perfect for our lives, the child will be the one that we are meant to love and raise, it will be immeasurably more than I can ever hope for or ask.

So as we start this journey, I ask that as you think about our family that you will stop and say this prayer for us.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Adoption is an Option

I was adopted at the age of 9 months. My story is actually pretty crazy. Before I was 9 months old I had traveled in 2 stolen trucks and covered both the northern and southern parts of the country. The first stolen truck was when I was 2 weeks old. It had no windows and our destination was Wisconsin in October (points to the birth parents for smart thinking on that one!) The smart ones didn't stop there and a few months later I was in a stolen 18 wheeler this time (gotta make it better than the last) on my way to Tampa, Florida. In the words of SB...I win.

The FBI called my grandfather and his wife in the middle of the night to inform them they had custody of their granddaughter (that's me by the way) and were wanting to know if they wanted the cutest baby they had ever seen (Ok...so they really didn't say that last part but you can just imagine that I was!)

It's a girl!! Kay and Erskin were now the proud parents of a bouncing baby girl. Ok, so I wasn't bouncing. I was dying actually. 2 weeks of feeding me and bathing me and I was finally doing some better and not covered in grime and dirt. My actual adoption did not take place until years later thanks to the birth mother and sperm donor trying to come in and out of the picture. At 5 years old I was sitting on my dad's lap when the judge called the matter of Christine Leigh Simms into order. I distinctly remember asking daddy who that was and when were we going to McDonalds.

So, why all of a sudden am I telling you my adoption story? As my heart beats out of my chest I am so excited to announce to you that Brandon and I have decided to pursue adoption!!!! (let the cheering begin!!) It is something that I have always wanted to do. Brandon had never really thought about it because, honestly, it was never really on his radar of life. He came from great wbiological parents and always just assumed that after he married the perfect woman the perfect baby would come along. After he met the less than perfect woman and her less than perfect adopted family, he began to realize how much adoption played into my story and how cool it would be to welcome a child into our home that needed a forever mommy and daddy.

Honestly our fertility issues are probably pushing up our adoption timeline more than we would have ever imagined. However, knowing that it was a future plan for our family and knowing that adoption can be a lengthy process, we have decided to go ahead and start the process.

To answer the annoying and nosy-question-that-is-really-none-of-your business-but-I'll-deal-with-anyway...if we are to get pregnant through this adoption process we will still continue to seek adopting. Adoption is not simply something we are doing because we can not get pregnant...it is something we would have done anyway.

Our first major decision is international or domestic (the picture included should show you where I am leaning :)) We are on two different sides of the fence on this one and are seeking to come to an agreement. We are about 6 months out from submitting our paperwork. It will be a lengthy process that hopefully I will keep you updated on.

I pray that you will support us and that you will continue to pray for our family as we come to your mind. I look forward to the day that we get to introduce you to our son or daughter.

Love,

The Peevys