Tomorrow

My dear friend Darlene has her surgery tomorrow. If you think about it, please say a prayer for her. It's a scary thing, especially as a women, to have both of your breast removed.

Thanks!

Heather gets an A+ for coming to see me....

I love you friend!

The Dash

www.thedashmovie.com

I found out last weekend that my dear friend Darlene has breast cancer. Then I found out that she was having both breast removed, now we know that she needs chemotherapy.

I've done ok with all of this till today, when I saw this movie.

Just please pray. I don't have the promise that she'll be healed here on earth, but I do have the promise that she will be healed.

I'm not angry...i'm just angry

So we've been moving right along in this book that we are doing in our small group. We are starting to get into the "diseases" of the heart that he refers to. He list them as Guilt, Anger, Jealousy and Envy.

Buddy, when we got to the Anger part, I didn't realize just how much of an angry person I really am. I mean, not all the time, but when certain names from the past come up (birth mother) or just certain past situations, I can get fired up.

But he also says in the book, "When are you going to quit letting people who are not in your life, or maybe even dead, have control over your life." And that's true. There are so many good moments stolen from me, because I still hold on to some of these anger issues.

So...i'm going to put on my big girl pants, and deal with them once and for all. I"m going to get them into the light, so that they don't breed in the darkness!

I don't want to be an angry elf for the rest of my life!

Process

So I had this whole great idea for a post, but i'm too tired to write it all down, or do that much thinking, so i'll just update for the moment.

I'm back to subbing. Why you might ask? Because we are still all bi-vocational and that's the wonderful load I get to carry along with, secretary, nursery, preschool and Children's MINISTER!

But I'm really loving the class that I am in right now. I'm there for four weeks while the other para-pro is on medical leave. It's a class with 5 severe autistic kids. I say kids, but they range from 14-19, so they are actually pretty big.

Dante, Jacki, Mikey, Stanley and Chardane have my heart. I've actually not met Chardane yet, but it's coming soon. But Dante, Jacki, Mikey and Stanley are the best. They'll never be able to say anything to me verbally, but they speak volumes into my life.

I'll post pictures soon. I love every part of it, except getting up at 5:45 AM every morning. Yeah...that sucks bad!

Life is good though, and God is faithful. He's calling me into deep water with him right now, and I know I won't sink, but the call to swim comes with a great price. One that I'm not sure I am willing to embrace right now.

Wholeness...Oh Lord, why now? And what's the cost going to be...I'm sure the end is worth it, but I just need that push into the water. And a life-jacket wouldn't hurt!!!

I'm with Ashley

Sometimes a song just puts it so much better than you can. Rest...doesn't necessarily mean that I need to slow down, but more of an attitude that I need to embrace.

Taste the presence of God in this place
And know that He is here
Taste the presence of God in this place
And know that it is real

Hold His hand, let His warmth
Drown out this world so cold
Hear His voice whispering
Never let it grow old

Rest in His arms, feel the breeze
Flowing gently through our hair
See his smile, know He's pleased
When our praises feel the air
Oh my Lord
Oh my God

Taste the presence of God in this place
Taste the presence of God in this place
Taste the presence of God, the presence of God

My 100th post

I wanted it to be special..and it is...this is my friend Karla's new little baby! He was having a good dream. I love Philip Andrew Dickey!
And my brother. See the family line?? I kinda can...maybe it will be different when we meet each other!

You're coming on this journey with me...

Why? Cause I have nothing better to post about, and sometimes I just like to post...so buckle up...it might get a little bumpy the next few weeks!

We started the book tonight. Jason talked about how many times we check our behavior instead of our hearts...and that's so true. Someone will ask me...how are you doing...well I quit smoking, quit drinking, haven't said to many bad words this week, have killed anyone...I must be doing pretty well. When the truth is, I have bigger walls up around my heart than the great wall of China, and I'm slow to want those to go down. I like my walls, they protect me. Instead I should be looking to God to protect my heart.

He also talked about how experiences from the past are the ones that put up those walls...big and small...good and bad...and that's the layers that we have to allow God to peel back. They didn't get there overnight and they're probably not going to go away that quickly either.

So it was a pretty good start. A few of the others mentioned that they are a little scared of this process as well, so I feel a little more comforted by the whole thing. Maybe this can be my counseling and i'll save a few hundred bucks that I don't have anyway!!

I'm just thankful that the Lord is so faithful in my life. Faithful to bring things to the surface that I need to walk through, faithful to have brought me friends that no matter where we go or what we do...we love each other unconditionally, faithful to bring friends in my life for such a time as this...friends who "get me" at that moment, faithful to see me though the changes of life and what they may hold. He's faithful and good.

Going to see Talladega nights tomorrow...wahoo...don't usually get excited about movies, but i'm dang excited about this one.

So i'm not a wife or mother

But does it just seem sometimes like you do the same thing day after day. Everyday there seems to be clothes that need washing, a house that needs to be clean, if I want to eat something other than McDonalds or something nasty like that, then I have to cook, which means I have to clean.

I have a great job, amazing friends, but sometimes I just start the day thinking...am I really going to do anything different today than yesterday.

We are starting a new book in our small group...excuse me...life group this week. It's called "It came from within", by Andy Stanley.

Here's what the back of it says...

"You can't run from what lurks within! More frightening than Frankenstein. More destrcutive than alien invaders. They will numb your soul, steal your life, and threathen your most treasured relationships. Who are these creatures? Where do they come from? At the fall of mankind they were unleased on the world, wreaking havoc and sending thousands fleeing from their homes. And their lair is found in the last place anyone wants to look - the mysterious depths of their own hearts! But be encouraged, these monsters have a weakness. They can be defeated. You can escape their clutches and be free of their influence. Learn the truth - before it's too late."

Sounds fun huh? Not really. I mean i'm excited we are doing it, and excited that our life group is so amazing here, but really ... Do I want to discuss matters of the heart, especially my heart, with a group of people. Um...no.

But, can't exactly not do it either.